This post was last updated on May 31st, 2026 at 09:05 pm
Whenever I hear a parent’s story about their struggles with dealing with a picky eater, I feel fortunate that we don’t have those issues at our home. Yes, there are certain foods that our kids prefer. And we serve our fair share of frozen pizzas and ice cream. But my wife and I rarely have battles over our kids eating “adult” foods, particularly vegetables. Was there a secret to creating eaters with a broad palate? I’d say our strategy revolved around this: Not giving our kids choices.
From early on, we’ve made it clear that our kids have no say about “what’s for dinner.” They might ask, “What’s for dinner?” But we don’t ask them, “What would you like for dinner?” That’s been our way since Day One. Our kids don’t feel deprived because it’s just how life is (unless we’re eating out). Now, I’m smart enough to do more than merely steam the broccoli or Brussels sprouts. I roast them and load them up with spices. I want to make veggies as appetizing as possible, both for the kids and their parents.
What happens if our kids don’t eat their veggies? How do we respond? First off, this rarely happens. We don’t try to coax them to eat kale or spinach. We don’t offer a “reward” for eating veggies (though dessert may not be an option). There are no alternatives. Our kids know that whatever is on their plate is all they’re going to get until the next meal. Their only “choice” is whether to add balsamic vinegar or pepper or soy sauce or ketchup or some other condiment to their dish. That’s usually incentive enough for them to finish.
Kids need to know: Veggies can be tasty
Growing up, I wasn’t one to fight about food, either. That’s not to say I enjoyed everything on my plate. I distinctly remember trying to hide my Brussels sprouts in a napkin and then taking that napkin to the bathroom and tossing it into the waste basket there. That plan backfired, though, because a few days later the bathroom started to smell. Yep, I was busted. I also recall trying to dispose of these sprouts by “hiding” them in my milk. That was a dumb move, too, because I’d be asked to finish my milk, and then what?
I think parents owe it to their children to cook veggies in a tasty way. We want kids to know that these foods can be tasty. More important, we owe it to children to feed them healthy foods, even if they don’t care about things like fiber, which most of us need more of. The problem with picky eaters is that they typically crave processed foods. I mean, have you heard of a picky eater who insists on eating greens, beans, and whole grains? If your child “demands” whole foods and detests things like chicken nuggets, that’s not the kind of picky we’re talking about.
Don’t get me wrong. Our kids enjoy processed foods like any other. Heck, I enjoy them. Once a week or so, our kids order hot lunch at school, and it almost always includes processed foods. But whether your child enjoys processed foods is not the issue. The question is: Will they eat whole foods, too? The answer to that, for too many families, is no.
Of course, I don’t mean to suggest that our family’s situation is the same as every family’s. Some kids have legitimate medical or psychological reasons for not eating certain foods. I’m talking about kids without dietary limitations and whose parents stumble into the pickiness trap.
When kids order off the ‘adult’ menu
Our approach to dinnertime has worked, and I’ve seen the proof when we eat at sit-down restaurants. Years ago, our kids insisted on ordering off the adult menu. They didn’t want to be limited to the chicken finger and grilled cheese options on the kid’s menu. In fact, at a restaurant just recently our daughter ordered an antipasto dish loaded with greens and our son ordered sushi. I was the one who ordered pizza. It was a moment of vindication because they could have ordered “kids” food but didn’t.
Could they eat even better? Sure. I think most of us have room for improvement with how we eat. But this nationwide surge in picky eaters is a relatively new phenomenon, and it’s partly the fault of corporate food giants. Not too long ago, kids were expected to eat whatever adults ate. Only since the 1950s have we created a two-tiered eating system, in which kids and adults are expected to eat differently. That’s one of the conclusions I made after reading parts of a book called, “Picky: How American Children Became the Fussiest Eaters in History.”
It boils down to this quote from the advertising manager of the Kellogg Company in 1953: “In the old days, children ate what their mothers bought; now the kids tell their mothers what to buy.”
Many companies have turned children against their parents, in terms of overriding the parent’s instinct to buy healthy foods. Parents have been told that good parenting means “empowering” kids to make their own decisions on food. The problem is many kids lack self-control, and they’ll eat poorly if given that choice.
Uncrustables: The normalization of pickiness
Giving kids the power to choose is essentially what led to the creation of the most despicable kid-friendly food on the planet: Uncrustables. These manufactured peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches represent the highest order of pickiness. They are for children who refuse to eat the crust of a PBJ and will devote as much time as necessary to remove it. The Uncrustable streamlines pickiness, eliminating all friction from the experience. It is a great example of pickiness becoming normalized. Indeed, the child who eats a sandwich with a crust is now the abnormal one.
Arguably, the worst thing about Uncrustables is not that they fuel pickiness. It’s their high price. Habitually eating processed foods is a double whammy: It’s expensive and unhealthy. It’s the worst of both worlds: You spend more for less nutritious food. Pickiness ultimately goes against what it means to be frugalmatic because it’s anchored in consumerism. Pickiness is the result of consuming products created to appeal to children, who succeed in influencing their parents to generate profits for that product’s manufacturer.
Why a marketing discussion helps with food choices
For parents, a discussion about food choices benefits from a discussion about marketing and manipulation. With our kids, we talk a lot about advertising, in general, and I point out how what appears to be “fun” or “tasty” is actually just some company’s way of trying to manipulate your emotions to get you to spend your money. Is it OK to buy that stuff once in a while? Yes, but just make sure you’re doing so intentionally and for your own reasons, not for some company’s reasons. If you’re going to buy Uncrustables for your child, then your child should understand what that product represents. They should recognize that it’s actually cheaper and healthier to eat a traditional PBJ.
Of course, kids struggle with understanding how companies seek to influence them and their parents. That’s why limiting their choices can be helpful. When our kids were only 3 or 4 years old, my wife and I weren’t talking to them about marketing. Those conversations didn’t happen until several years later. But even at that early age, our kids didn’t have options at dinner. Trust me, it’s easier to guide kids toward healthier foods when processed foods don’t exist in their minds. Children are less prone to battling over food when there’s nothing to battle over. When they believe they must eat what’s on the dinner plate, you’ve done your job as parents.